Are You Happy Now?
by Absentia
Summary: Not SxF. Spike comes back. Songfic to Michelle Branch's song. Spike comes back as though nothing happened, and Faye gives him a piece of her mind.


Author's Note: This oneshot songfic is to Michelle Branch's Are You Happy Now? I don't own Cowboy Bebop, cuz if I did, Spike would live through the end, Julia would STAY dead (and the peasants rejoiced) and Faye would get a lot more attention. And other stuff, but I'll relinquish the soapbox here. Anyways. This is a Spike-lives-and-goes-back-to-the-Bebop fic, but NO, though I love the pairing, it is not SxF. Spike comes back and Faye gives him a piece of her mind… and he don't like it. *grins wickedly* I'm in an all-men-are-dogs mood right now, so this is pretty perfect. Anyways, hope ya like and please R&R!

P.S. I understand the characters are gonna be sort of out of character… but, that's kinda the point to this one…

It had been a week since Spike's return to the Bebop. Seven days. One hundred sixty-eight hours. He'd just waltzed back on board as if he'd simply stepped out for an evening stroll. An evening stroll that lasted four goddamned months.

Now, at first Faye had been relieved, ecstatic, even, to see him alive and relatively alright. Well, of course she had. She'd dreamed about him coming back every night since that horrific, enlightening last goodbye. Of course, each little fantasy scenario had been different, each one a grimmer cloud with an even brighter silver lighting. He would return, heartbroken over Julia and she would stay by his side and nurse his wounded soul. She might discover him in a hospital, a bedridden amnesiac or comatose tragic victim, and she would help him come back to himself.

This was none of those things.

He'd returned and acted as if nothing at all were different; it was just another day on the Bebop. At first, she thought he was putting on some great show to hide the hurt inside, and she'd been sympathetic. Then, she figured he just wanted to start fresh and forget the past, see the present through both eyes and look to the future, so she'd acquiesced willingly enough.

But now it was plainly obvious that he simply preferred to go on as though nothing really had happened at all. He'd not changed at all. His infuriatingly calm exterior, his superior, sarcastic grin, the way he treated her... it was all the same. And it made her sick.

They'd all gone through changes since that fateful rainy day departure four months ago, Faye herself especially. Jet had softened some towards his crew members, treating them as true friends and comrades and counting them as treasures; after all, he'd learned that if you didn't take care of what you had while you had it, it would go away and leave you broken.

Ed, when she had mysteriously returned, had for the most part remained, well… Ed. But there were slight changes to the crazy little hacker's attitude. Apparently, things had turned sour in the search for her father, and she clung to the Bebop crew as if they were her family, and in a sense, they were. She was as radical as ever, but her attitude had matured.

Faye had changed the most. Right before Spike left, she'd regained her memories. She suddenly had a past, a history, something to look back on and say, "That was me". But just as suddenly, it had been wrenched away from her, Reality creeping up and stealing her precious past away like a thief in the night. All she had once had was lost, all except for one thing. The Old Faye. In her younger days, Faye was a smart, sweet girl who had a place, a home, a family and a future. The Faye called Faye Valentine didn't have any of that, and she had lost all reason for kindness and happiness.

Now, Faye had two versions of herself to deal with, to try and mold into one and find a middle ground on which the New Faye could stand. And for the most part, she'd been doing a damn good job of it.

Then he came back.

Spike wanted everything to be exactly as it had been before he left and have it stay that way. He didn't want to rock the boat and make waves. But it was way too late for that, not that he gave a damn.

So Faye had been ok with it at first, then tolerant. But now, sitting across from him as he sat and smoked on that cursed yellow couch, trying to pick some stupid little fight with her as she played solitaire, like he used to, she was not alright with it. She was angry. It was so hard, _so hard_ not to slip back into that old, familiar role and be the Faye he thought she should be. She had worked damn hard to get this far and he suddenly had to pop up and try to drag her backwards.

****

Now don't just walk away

Pretending everything's ok

And you don't care about me

Not only that, but he ignored things… things he wanted to blithely pretend hadn't happened, just before he left. When she had tried to stop him. When she had accidentally let him know how she'd felt. When he almost showed he cared in return, if at least just a little, and then turned and walked away anyway, like she wasn't even a factor to consider.

****

And I know it's just no use

When all your lies become your truths

And I don't care

And Spike was a good actor, he really was. So good, it seemed, that he believed in his little house of cards. That was a dangerous thing, because when you believed in your own delusions, all it took was a single breath to collapse your carefully constructed dream world. And Faye was so sick of Spike insisting he live inside a dream.

"Faye, are you even listening to me?"

Looking up, Faye realized that Spike had been saying something for quite some time, probably insulting her new outfit- a pair of well-worn dark blue jeans, hip huggers of course, and a white square-neck middy-tee- or the way she had started to wear her hair- unstyled so that it shaped to her neck and without her old yellow headband, leaving her bangs to fall freely into her eyes. He was always trying to get a rise out of her.

Face expressionless and voice deadpanned, she shrugged and replied simply, "No."

****

Yeah Yeah Yeah

_How long are you going to keep pretending? How long till you wake up, spike?_

She wanted to scream it at him, shout it right in his face, but he never could look at her straight anymore. _What's the matter, Spike? Don't like what you see? Saying it's not there won't make it go away._

****

Could you look me in the eye?

And tell me that you're happy now

Ooo…

Would you tell it to my face?

Or have I been erased_?_

****

Are you happy now?

Slapping her cards facedown on the coffee table, Faye stood, casting Spike an apathetic glance as she turned to go. He ignored her and reclined into the couch, propping his feet up on the table, heels resting on top of her neat rows of playing cards.

****

Are you happy now?

She was just so sick of it. Everyone was walking on eggshells for this man, catering to his whims. She owed him nothing. If anything, he owed her. After all, she'd given him her heart, and he wouldn't even give it back. He just trod on it like it wasn't there. She felt hollow… and angry.

****

You took all there was to take

And left me with an empty plate

And you don't care about it

As she walked down that same hall, that hated, miserable corridor where it all ended before it began, memory assaulted her savagely, mocking her goading her, boosting her anger.

****

Oh, ooo, yeah

The rate of her steps increased as she passed first Jet's bonsai room, then the hangar, the bathroom, Jet's and Spike's bedrooms. She was making a decision _now_. She was fed up with it all, _him_, and she was going to do something about it.

****

And I am giving up this game

And leaving you with all the blame

Cuz I don't care

When she reached her own room, she slammed a fist against the keypad and stepped inside as soon as the door swished open, turning on the lights as almost an afterthought. Pulling a large duffel bag from under her bed, she began tearing through the closet, dresser drawers, everything, tossing her every meager possession into the open bag. All of her clothes went in first, followed by toiletries, personal affects, her Glock and spare clips. Lastly her hand hovered over the videotape that had started her hunt for her past, the small black square of plastic seeming so innocuous. Making up her mind, she threw it in as well, zipping the duffel shut and exiting her room again.

****

Yeah Yeah Yeah

She strode back down the corridors until she reached the common room, stopping at the second landing of the stairs to look down on Spike. He apparently felt eyes on him, glanced once around the room, then caught sight of her on the stairs, face set in grim determination, one hand on the rail in pause, the other holding the strap of the oversize bag slung over one shoulder. Her fiery green eyes watched his mismatched, cool russet ones, watched as they settled casually somewhere just to the side of her face. As he smiled lazily.

****

Could you look me in the eye?

And tell me that you're happy now

Ooo…

"Spike."

He raised a brow, but still didn't look directly at her, avoiding her eyes. She set her scarlet-painted lips in a stern line, knowing that willing him into reality was pointless; she had to force him to do it himself. "Spike, I'm leaving."

He stood, face wearing an expression that was puzzled and a little angry. In this odd rush of emotion, he accidentally caught her gaze, but quickly settled for the top of her head, features schooling into a lackadaisical mask. "Why? Off to leech some other poor saps?"

She shrugged and continued to stare at him. She was about to bring down his little house of cards and he would just have to deal with it. Things weren't the same anymore and she couldn't keep on pretending. It made her sick to be in the presence of a man who she thought she'd loved but who only wanted her if she was someone else.

****

Would you tell it to my face?

Or have I been erased?

Are you happy now?

Ooo…

She moved back up the steps, smiling inwardly in satisfaction as he slowly followed her up and into the hall.

"Faye, hold on. You've been acting weird all week. What's going on? You on the run from bill collectors again?"

****

Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?

Yeah yeah yeah…

She stopped but did not turn to face him, a harsh laugh barking past her lips. "Running from bill collectors? No, I got all of that resolved a month ago, not that you bothered to notice. No, I'm running from you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He came up and stood in front of her, still not actually looking at her, but rather _through_ her. Like she wasn't there. Or like she wasn't actually doing this and saying these words.

****

Do you really have everything you want?

You can never give something in return

You can't run away from yourself…

"It means I'm leaving because of you; because you came back. I was doing great. I really was. We all were. But you just had to come back. You wanted everything to be like before. You wanted the old Bebop, the old Faye, without a moment's consideration about whether or not _we_ wanted that. Saying it isn't dark outside doesn't make it so, Spike."

His brow furrowed and his mouth pulled down at the corners in aggravation. Oh, that beautiful, bitter mouth. It had haunted her before he'd even left, but now she just wanted to go away. Get away from the Bebop and him. And everything he represented. Vicious. Julia. The Faye without a past; that was who he wanted her to be, but she' worked to damn hard to reclaim it. She wasn't going to let it go and be the old Faye just because he wanted her to, not now, not ever.

She just had to make him understand that.

****

(Softer)

Could you look me in the eyes?

And tell me that you're happy now

Yeah yeah…

"Faye, I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing's changed." His eyes cast to the side, strayed to the floor, the ceiling; anywhere but her.

Her free hand slowly reached out by a will of its own, catching his chin. She stepped closer to him and he took an involuntary step back. She matched it with another step forward. "Spike look at me."

He turned his face to align with hers, tipped slightly down to make up for his height. Their noses were barely a breath apart, but he still couldn't look her in the eyes. His uneven burnished hues focused on her left cheek. "I'm looking at you."

"Look me in the eye, Spike."

****

(Shouted)

Come on, tell it to my face

Or have I been replaced?

Are you happy now?

Yeah Yeah Yeah…

Oh, ooo…

Yeah Yeah, oh, ooo…

Reluctantly, his gaze locked with her hers and he visibly flinched, the fire and profound sadness there shocking him. She was not the Faye Valentine he'd known any longer, and now he couldn't hope to deny it.

"Get over it. I'm different. So are you."

His tone went slightly angry. "No I'm not. I haven't changed."

"Oh really? The old Spike wouldn't have shown that I just made him angry. The old Spike wouldn't flinch at what he saw in my eyes, and he wouldn't give a damn what he saw there anyways. I could look at you with the eyes of a snake before, and you'd just pass me by."

He stepped back and smacked her hand away from his face, his voice dripping acid. "Gee, Faye, aren't we melodramatic? If you were just pissed cause I ignore you, you could have said so-"

Sneering, Faye stepped forward with narrowed eyes. "You know that isn't what this about. You just don't want to face the truth. Spike Spiegal, I never figured you for a coward."

His own eyes narrowed and he loomed over her menacingly. "You have no right to say that to me, Faye. You don't have a damn clue what you're talking about. You don't know what I went through-"

"Dammit, Spike! Like hell I don't! The old Spike told me before he left that he wasn't going there to die, but to find out if he was still alive. He did die! He died out there with Vicious and Julia. And _you_ have no right to say that I don't know what I'm talking about! You aren't the only one who went through some bad shit four months ago, Spike. And now you have to deal with it!"

Faye's head snapped sharply to one side, a loud _thwap_ echoing down the hall as Spike's open palm connected with the side of her face. She fell against the curved metal wall, duffel still clutched tightly in one fist. Turning slowly, she looked at the livid space cowboy with sad triumph in her eyes.

****

Would you look me in the eye?

Could you look me in the eye?

I've had all that I can take

I'm not about to break

Cuz I'm happy now

Ooo…

Faye's bitter laughter rang hollow as she passed him and continued down the hall towards the hangar. He watched her go, fighting off the shame, eyes following her back as she waved goodbye with her free arm, not once turning around to look behind.

"Faye…"

His quiet, plaintive call was ignored and her own parting words rang back to him as disappeared into the dim and the shadows, her last question echoing in his mind as he turned away.

"Are you happy now?"


End file.
